The Tree of Life: Identity, Purpose & Sense of Self Counselling
- Jennifer Rose
- Aug 2
- 5 min read
When You No Longer Feel Like Yourself.
You may find yourself looking at your life and wondering why things no longer feel quite right. There are times in life when something shifts.
Perhaps the roles, routines or identities that once felt familiar no longer fit in the same way. You may feel disconnected from yourself, uncertain about the future, or unsure of who you are becoming.
Sometimes this follows a significant life event such as bereavement, divorce, retirement, menopause, becoming a parent, children leaving home, illness or career change.
Other times, the feeling arrives more quietly.
A growing sense that something has changed.
A feeling of being lost, stuck, disconnected or unsure of your direction.
Counselling can provide a space to explore these questions with curiosity and compassion, helping you reconnect with yourself and discover what matters most in this next chapter of life.
Understanding Identity and Sense of Self
Our sense of self is shaped by many things.
It develops through our relationships, experiences, values, roles, beliefs and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.
Throughout life, these things naturally evolve. Most of the time we adapt without giving it much thought.
However, during periods of significant change, we may find ourselves questioning aspects of our identity that once felt certain.
You may notice thoughts such as:
I don't feel like myself anymore.
I don't know who I am without them.
I feel lost.
I don't know what I want anymore.
I should be happy, but something feels missing.
I don't know what comes next.
These questions can feel unsettling,
but they are often a natural part of growth, change and transition.
Signs You May Be Struggling With Identity or Purpose
You may notice:
Feeling disconnected from yourself
Loss of confidence or self-belief
Feeling stuck or directionless
Difficulty making decisions
A sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction
Questioning long-held beliefs or priorities
Feeling that life lacks meaning or purpose
Comparing yourself to others
Uncertainty about the future
Difficulty recognising your own needs and wants
Feeling caught between who you were and who you are becoming
These experiences can occur at any age and stage of life.
Why Do These Questions Arise?
Periods of uncertainty often emerge when life asks us to adapt.
A significant loss, transition or change can challenge the way we understand ourselves and our place in the world.
Sometimes we lose a role that has been central to our identity.
Sometimes our priorities shift.
Sometimes we outgrow a version of ourselves that once felt comfortable.
These moments can feel unsettling because they often involve letting go of certainty before we have discovered what comes next .Although uncomfortable, they can also create opportunities for reflection, growth and self-discovery.
Finding Your Bearings
When people feel lost, their first instinct is often to find answers. But sometimes the most important step is not finding answers immediately. It is understanding where you are.
One of the ways I support clients is through a roadmap for navigating grief, loss and life transitions.
Just as a traveller might pause to orient themselves before continuing a journey, counselling can provide space to understand your current landscape before deciding which direction feels right.
Together, we might explore:
How stress and overwhelm are affecting your perspective
Patterns within relationships and attachment
The impact of grief, loss or change
The values that matter most to you
What gives your life meaning and purpose
How to reconnect with parts of yourself that may have been overlooked.
Many clients find it helpful to learn concepts such as the Window of Tolerance, the Stress Bucket, attachment patterns and other tools that form part of the roadmap I use in my work. These ideas are not about providing quick answers. They are about helping you understand yourself more clearly and navigate periods of uncertainty with greater confidence and self-compassion.
Sometimes we don't need a new destination straight away.
We simply need to understand where we are.
Questions People Often Ask About Identity
Why do I feel like I've lost myself? Many life experiences can affect our sense of identity, including grief, relationship changes, parenthood, menopause, retirement, illness and significant transitions. Feeling disconnected from yourself does not necessarily mean something is wrong. It may be a sign that you are adapting to change.
How do I find my purpose? Purpose is deeply personal and often evolves throughout life. Rather than something we find once and keep forever, it can change as we grow, learn and experience different chapters of life.
Is it normal to question everything in midlife? Yes. Many people experience periods of reflection and reassessment during midlife. These questions often arise as people consider how they want to spend the next stage of their lives.
Why do I feel stuck? Feeling stuck can happen for many reasons, including fear of change, uncertainty, overwhelm, grief or competing responsibilities. Understanding what is keeping you stuck can often be the first step towards movement.
Can counselling help if I don't know what the problem is? Absolutely. Many people come to counselling because they know something feels different but cannot yet put it into words.
Counselling can provide the space to explore those feelings without pressure to have all the answers.
How Counselling Can Help
Counselling can provide an opportunity to slow down, reflect and reconnect with yourself.
Together, we can:
Explore questions about identity and purpose
Understand the impact of life transitions
Develop greater self-awareness
Strengthen self-confidence and self-compassion
Clarify values and priorities
Explore patterns in relationships
Navigate uncertainty and change
Build a stronger sense of direction
The aim is not to create a perfect version of yourself.
It is to help you develop a deeper understanding of who you are and what matters most to you.
Helpful Resources
Every person's experience is unique, but understanding what you're experiencing can often make it feel a little less overwhelming. The resources below explain some of the ideas and models I regularly use in counselling and psychotherapy to help people understand grief, loss, emotional wellbeing, and life transitions. You may find these helpful alongside this article:
Together, these guides form part of My Therapy Roadmap; a collection of practical resources designed to help you better understand yourself and navigate grief, loss and life's many transitions at your own pace.
My Approach
As a qualified NCPS Accredited Registrant and ACC counsellor and psychotherapist, I support adults navigating grief, loss and life transitions, including bereavement, relationship changes, menopause, pregnancy and infant loss, pet bereavement, caring responsibilities, retirement, anxiety, depression, burnout, and the emotional impact of life-changing health diagnoses and long-term health conditions. I offer counselling from my private therapy cabin in Littlehampton, West Sussex, walk and talk therapy in nature, and secure online counselling across the UK, so together we can find an approach that feels safe, comfortable and right for you.
Alongside counselling, I often draw upon psycho-educational resources and practical tools that can help bring understanding to experiences that may otherwise feel confusing or overwhelming. Together, we can work towards understanding your grief and finding a way forward that feels meaningful and authentic to you.
Taking the First Step
Support starts with a conversation.
Beginning counselling can feel like a big step, especially if you've never spoken to a therapist before. That's why I aim to make the process as straightforward and welcoming as possible.
You can book a free 15-minute consultation online at a time that suits you, with instant access to my real-time availability. Appointment confirmations, reminders, secure payment and online session links are all handled automatically, making the process simple and stress-free.
If online booking isn't your preference, that's absolutely fine. You're welcome to contact me through my website, by email, text or phone, and I'll be happy to help you arrange an appointment.
Whether you're looking for support with grief, loss, anxiety, depression, burnout or another life transition, we'll begin with a conversation about what's brought you here and what you're hoping for from counselling.
